About 6 months ago, my nearly 4-year relationship had come to an end. It seemed as if everything I knew had suddenly vanished and I was left confused and broken-hearted. I am not going to lie, getting over a break up is tough, for a broken heart is the worst feeling I have felt thus far in my life. However, it does get a lot easier if you allow yourself to look at things in a positive light and enjoy your life.
Here are a few things I have learned from this whole experience:
First, you need to accept that your relationship is over. Of course it’s okay to be upset, but if you still have the idea in your head that you will get back together, you will never be able to cut ties and get over him.
You can allow yourself a few days of crying and dwelling, but then THAT’S IT. The only way to get through it is to be strong and have lots of will power. The most important thing to do initially is to keep busy. If your mind is wrapped around a million things, it is hard to focus on a breakup.
Cut all connections from him, whether it’s deleting their Facebook, Twitter, phone number, etc., it’s easier to stop thinking about him when they are “out of sight, out of mind.”
You should not think about what you “should have, could have, would have” done, but instead, do try to think back at the mistakes you made, and fix them so you won’t repeat them the next time. This is a good time to correct some of your flaws that might have affected your relationship. For example, I was the biggest pessimist ever, I was too bossy, I was so uptight, and I had the worst self-esteem on the face of the earth. I know all of them affected my happiness, and therefore affected my relationship, so I took a vow to work on all of them and improve myself.
Do not turn to food because you are upset! Channel whatever feelings you have into physical activities such as running, or yoga, or any sport. You want to turn every negative feeling you have into a positive outcome, and that can be achieved by bettering your health and fitness.
Be optimistic! Think of all of your goals and dreams you had for yourself before they included a “plus one,” and start working towards accomplishing them. Pick up some new hobbies you never thought you would have. Be daring and take some risks! It is important to step out of your comfort shell because you might find something new that you love and some great new friends who enjoy the same things.
You need to look at a break up not as a tragedy, but as an opportunity. This is your time to focus on YOU! Being in a long-term relationship sometimes makes us lose who we really are and now is the time to find yourself. You need to be able to be completely happy and comfortable with yourself, by yourself, and only then will you truly enjoy your life and others will notice. It is absolutely unacceptable to depend on someone else to provide you happiness. It is good to be alone after becoming too comfortable with this support system you had where you could just dump all of your problems and complaints. That is not what a boyfriend is for and sometimes we lose sight of that.
Try very hard not to bring up your ex in conversation and if you find your mind drifting away and starting to think about him, start singing a song either out loud or in your head; I promise it helps.
Do NOT be the girl that always needs a guy by her side. Have some self respect and therefore, do not jump at the first guy who makes a move on you, especially if you are not ready for it. We don’t want to be breaking hearts while we are trying to mend our own.
On the contrary though, if you do come across a nice guy who is respectful and seems interested in you, don’t be afraid to give him a chance. Just because you got your heart broken once before doesn’t mean you should hide away forever.
You need to realize that maybe this didn’t work out for a reason. There might have been some characteristics in you or him that together, wouldn’t have lasted, and it might be a while until you see them. Aside from the many things I needed to change about myself, I realized that my ex was a “runner.” Whenever there were really bad situations, instead of sticking things out “through thick and thin,” he would just leave me over and over again. That doesn’t seem like the type of person I want to give my whole heart and soul to. For me, love is enough, and I would want the next guy I give my heart away to, to feel the same way.
If your ex finds a new girlfriend fairly quickly, you cannot look at this as an attack on you or that it has anything to do with you! It is as simple as this: men are less emotional than women are, and therefore they are able to move on a lot quicker and easier. Just because your ex is involved with someone else doesn’t mean you are any less of a person or that you don’t matter. This is not a competition and nobody is a winner in this situation. Us women are just usually more careful and selective when it comes to choosing a person we would like to date, and we don’t just take the first opportunity that comes our way based on convenience. Try your hardest not to compare yourself to the new girlfriend and remember your worth. Know that someday none of this will even matter because someone far more important will be making you feel like the only person in the world.
Most importantly, you must not hold any sort of grudge against your ex. You need to have peace in your mind and, despite whatever he thinks of you, want the best for him, because only then will your unhappiness decrease more and more and you can truly let go.
Love yourself, do things that make you happy, smile as much as you can, and I promise another special someone will come along and appreciate all of those things about you and more.